Lab is a Battlefield!
My father is an environmental science researcher at UNC-CH. My mom translates scientific papers from English to Japanese. My sister is working in a nematode aging lab at University of California at San Francisco. Basically since I was born, I've been surrounded by scientists, and I'd never once questioned my desire to become a scientist...up until a few years ago. In the middle of high school, I started wondering whether I wanted to become a scientist because I, Mai Nakamura, truly wanted to or whether it was because the world of science is the only one I'd ever known. Finding myself questioning what I had previously thought to be fundamental, I became scared.
So for the past couple of years, I've been asking everyone, left and right, how they came to know what they wanted to do, how they discovered their heart's calling. I told them how I wasn't sure whether I wanted to go into science because of my parents or because it was truly meant for me. They warned me that I should never go into something because I think that it'll make my parents happy. I thought about what they said for a while and realized that I'm scared of not becoming a scientist not because of my parents' disapproval. No, I was simply scared because a non-science world is something I've never experienced before. I'm scared because I feel like I'm searching for a light switch in a dark room I've never seen in the light before.
So I set out to test myself.
The first research experience I've ever had was with the HHMI PreCollege Program for the Biological Sciences right here at Duke University. I worked in Dr. John H. Willis' lab in evolutionary biology, and my project was on genetic and morphological comparisons of two species of monkeyflowers - the high-elevation endemic Mimulus tilingii and the widespread Mimulus guttatus. That summer, I found myself working harder than I'd ever worked before in my life, working on weekdays from 7:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. and even coming in on the weekends. It was something I'd never experienced before - it wasn't about memorization, grades, or competition. I was simply driven by pure, concentrated curiosity. My research experiences between then and now have begun slowly strengthening my self-assurance that yes, I love science.
The past week in the Reya lab has been hard. Hurdles after hurdles have been put before me. The primers that I've been using for my QRT-PCR haven't been working - I don't know whether it's the annealing temperature that I need to alter or whether it's the primers themselves that are faulty. The H&E staining of the brain section slides haven't been as clean as they should be. I ran a gel using the PCR products that had taken me all day to make but ran it too long, off the gel. The QRT-PCR program I came in to run on Saturday self-aborted...and the list goes on...
It's been hard. Sometimes I feel like going home and wallowing in my own misery (just kidding!). But even though it's the hardest it's ever been in my experience with research, at the same time, strangely, I'm finally at peace. For the first time, I'm at a plateau, I'm stuck, I'm having a "scientist's block". But in no way has this deterred me from going into lab everyday. I wake up every morning wanting to go into lab, wanting to learn something new, wanting to retry everything that I'd messed up yesterday. I feel like my love for science is finally being tested, and I'm enduring. Lab is a battlefield!
So, what is my final answer to the ultimate question: what do I expect this summer? My expectations are humble. I don't expect to cure leukemia or discover something new and innovative or have even a slight effect on the scientific community. Of course, the irrational, romantic part of me wants to do those things, and of course, I dream about becoming the Duke undergraduate who saves the world! But all I really want to do right now is to discover what I, Mai Nakamura, want to do for the rest of my life.
